Leaf

You open your eyes.

2:43 AM.

Hospital parking lot.

Drops of rain collect and collide, finding their way down your windshield. Tiny members forming bodies and running, fast, away. They're swept through the grass and cracks and meet with the soil. They call the worms to the surface.

There's a soggy leaf caught in the left wiper. No longer crisp and dry like it was when it flew from it's home and lodged itself there.

It's been there a long time.

You've been watching it.

You've been there a long time.

Rustle, crackle, crunch. You move your feet among the empty bottles and trash strewn over the floor and under the pedals. Ramen and Poland Springs, mostly. But the occasional Baby Ruth wrapper rises to the top as your restless legs churn, churn, churn.

Street lights line the nearly vacant lot. They storm the windows and flood your car with orange light, they cast about their erie shadows, they flicker and they twitch. The sun will rise soon, and they'll hide and wait for mother night to pull them from their sleep.

You rub your tired eyes and struggle to bring your tiny world into focus. You feel around on the floor for your glasses. Normally, you'd be worried. Worried sick. But now, as your fingers rake through the trash, you're just angry. 

"Fuck 'em", you say. You don't need them now. Never really needed them. 

Just to drive, and sometimes watch television, you used to say. But you haven't driven in over a week.

Anyway, you don't need them now. You know this car like the back of your hand. you know that somewhere to your right, stacked neatly in the passenger seat, are three cases of water. Poland Springs. Twelve bottles in a case. 

You know that directly behind you, rationed and piled on the floor are your noodles.  Nissin Top Ramen. 8 packs of 24. shrimp, beef, chicken, and oriental flavors. 3 ounces each. Oodles of Noodles. 

You know that the center console contains a Mag-Lite, two packs of Dr. Collins Pre-pasted disposable toothbrushes, 12 in a pack, and an MSR Pocket Rocket Camp Stove. Boils a liter of water in 3.5 minutes. Weighs just 3 ounces. 

You bought it 2 years ago. You were planning a solo canoe trip. The Allagash Wilderness Waterway. You would start at Indian Stream and paddle North nearly 100 miles to where the river spills into the St. John. You would rise with the sun and let the river pull you through the day. Through rapids and through quiet-water. Swept past luscious copse's and funneled through high banks lined with tall Pines. 

As the sun leveled with the horizon, you would allow yourself to be eased onto the shore. You would lay there, quiet, still and listen to the forest breathing around you. You would let the water sing you to sleep...

You shiver. You pull your blanket tight over your shoulders. 

You roll your head left, your warm breath fogs up the window. You lift your index finger to the glass. Drawing. Slow. Lazy.

Left Eye. Right Eye. Smile. You smile. Your window grins back at you.

You close your eyes.

Your heart skips. Stops. Starts again. Sharp breath. Adrenaline. 

You remember why you're here.

you open your eyes.

2:44 AM.